Monday, July 10, 2006

The Anatomy of the Jowl: A Lesson






























Here we have an exquisite example of the full jowl experience. Below you will learn everything you need to know to start enjoying the jowls in your life to the FULLEST today!

Jowl Polyps: The core to any fulfilling jowl relationship. The meat 'n potatoes of the jowl world. Where the novice, up and coming enthusiast should shove their face to dive straight into jowl enjoyment.

Neck Dewlap: A nice large portion of loose and squishy skin for those rough and tumble days. More important for the overall jowl aesthetics than for the satisfaction of the true jowl aficionado and sensualist.

Lip Over-Hang: Again, more for aesthetics. Watch out for drool with the low hangers.

The Sweet Spot: This is it folks. The height of the jowl experience, where squishy meets furry and magic happens. Best realized in a progression of sensitivity to touch, starting with a swipe by of the finger tips or the back of the hand, moving upward towards the nose, then, if you are ready, move to your cheek and let the sweet spot glide across your skin. Finally, to absorb every tickle, every hill and valley, use the lips. You won't regret it.

8 comments:

JC said...

I didn't know you were supposed to put your face in jowls. I thought you were just supposed to grab onto them and jiggle them around.

Sheba said...

I am so glad I posted the jowl lesson!! It is misconceptions like these that prevent the full appreciation of the life changing event that is the total jowl experience.

(Although of course a good jiggle never hurt to get yourself warmed up and ready for more.)

Melissa said...

Freakishly hilarious! Well done Heather; now I too can enjoy jowls to the fullest!

JC said...

I am going to have to practise these new techniques the next time Striker is home.

Sheba said...

I can't wait to brush up my already mad skills on Striker. He represents the Olympics of jowl events.

Shadamaray (?) said...

Sweet... I hear cats have small jowls... can you confirm this? Keep on rockin' in the free world Heather!

Sheba said...

Cats indeed posess wee little jowls that can provide limited enjoyment when larger, squishier jowls are unavailable. Cats also have nice chins, that can induce warm and fuzzy feelings when grabbed between the fingers and marvelled at, or when directly kissed.

I fully condone all forms of jowl enjoyment!

Bet said...

Quite an in depth exploration into the finer side of jowldom...all that was missing at the end of each illuminating message was... "stay with us."